Red Writing

A Vortex of Emotion



Monday, March 31
 
Today in 1889 the Eiffel Tower was officially opened. Designed by Alexandre Gustav Eiffel, the 985ft Tower, costing £260,000, took two years to construct. Eiffel also supervised the construction of the inner framework of Frédéric-Auguste Bartholdi's (aka New York's) Statue of Liberty, and the French now want it back.

Sunday, March 30
 

Last Sunday was spent inland by the lochs and hills. This week the fast convertibles were swapped for more traditional transport, a day by the sea and some bird watching on Fidra (left). Saw the first puffin of the season winging its way back to its burrow. The image on the right looking a bit like the lakes on the moon was my feeble attempt at trying to take a photo of a passing submarine through my binoculars. I prefer to think it's the moon and like the effect. And I like not getting the sub because as I wondered where it was headed, it was an un-timely reminder of what else is happening in the world.

Being mother's day I am being treated to SYD and SED making the evening roast, which is not bad going since they already indulged me with breakfast in bed, chocolates and flowers - SYD being extremely enthusiastic about cooking at the moment is proving to be a formidable chef - this week's dream is to open her own restaurant. However, much as I like the presents and pampering, I always wonder who invented Mother's day? I feel guilty about the whole concept, thinking how discriminatory it is. What about all the women who are not mother's or those who no longer have a mother? Does sending my own mother flowers really make up for not actually visiting her in months? Yes, the thought is there but I can't help feeling I have been sucked into the whole commercialisation thing.

What I did like was the company and the appreciation for being me - but then I should be grateful for that all year round, not just one day of the year. And in actual fact I should be more grateful for having them as my children - despite the constant bickering. As I greedily finish my last chocolate all too soon before my meal, (smiling inwardly at the irony) I realise it is still light and that British summer time has officially begun (despite not realising that the clocks had changed until I'd been awake for three hours this morning!!). Long days and glasses of wine in the garden sound just about right for the next few months. At last the oppression of the dark, cold months feels like it maybe behind us.



Saturday, March 29
 
It never ceases to amaze me how easily misunderstood people's reactions can be and how easily it is to colour others opinions by what is written. Blogging is a very interesting use of communicating what you want others to hear, but like all propaganda, sometimes it should be taken as misconstrued and misunderstood subjectivism.

Friday, March 28
 
This made me laugh I sent it to a friend and she retaliated with this

CNN/Reuters: News reports have filtered out early this morning that US
forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School and detained 6th Grade
teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar
was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator.
US President George W Bush argued that this was clear and overwhelming
evidence that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths instruction.

Ok, so it's Friday afternoon and I've have a pretty busy week.....resorting to mild hysteria to hold off the nervous breakdown for another time.

Wednesday, March 26
 
The biggest threat to the British troops still seems to be the US troops. But the US have cracked the problem of their fighter jets being locked onto by our missiles - take out the launcher!

Tuesday, March 25
 
Is it better to do six jobs at the same time in the hope of finishing some of them or finishing one job after another until all six are done? Does blogging count or is it merely a displacement activity?

Sunday, March 23
 

Crannog Loch TayCrannog Entrance

A browse on the walkscotland website reminded me that it would not be a good idea to waste yet another sunny weekend indoors decorating. So instead we did what all the other Sunday drivers were doing and took to the roads. It was a day to air flashy convertibles and new motor bikes. Beautiful, hazy but warm. The little house on stilts is a replica of a 2000 year old crannog (site is down for reconstruction at the moment) which sits opposite Ben Lawers on Loch Tay. A guided tour gives you a chance to sit inside and listen to a great explanation of how intelligent our ancestors were. Outside, we learned how to drill holes in stone using a wooden spindle, (was the bow the first labour saving device?), how to grind spelt wheat and how to light a fire (without a lighter or match). A walk up to Achar Falls and beautiful views over the loch reminded us how lucky we are to live in such a beautiful country. The peacefulness and silence on the hill was wonderful.



Thursday, March 20
 
Thanks to Green Fairy for this link to the civilian Iraq body count. Let us not forget what is happening on the other side of the world whilst we carry on our daily lives. There are some sceptics who dispute the source of the information. The project states that it "relies on the professional rigour of the approved reporting agencies. It is assumed that any agency that has attained a respected international status operates its own rigorous checks before publishing items (including, where possible, eye-witness and confidential sources). By requiring that two independent agencies publish an estimate before we are willing to add it to the count, we are premising our own count on the self-correcting nature of the increasingly inter-connected international media network."



 
If I ever come back in a different life, I will come back as a man. I am fed up multi-tasking. Fed up pretending this is possible 18 hours a day 24/7. I don't want to multi-task. I want to do one thing at a time and spend quality time on it. I want to think about it first, plan it, perfect it, then and only then will I do. It's not that I can't multi-task.......I just don't want to anymore.

 
The bombing did start last night. Just before 02:30 British time. One hour later President Bush was on television in the US saying that the war would take longer than anticipated.!!!!! What, in reality did he think was going to happen? Did he honestly think that hitting a couple of targets on the outskirts of Baghdad would have Saddam running out with his hands up in the air. How long will it take? When the body bags start being sent back in their hundreds? If it goes on for more than a few weeks, then any support that was left for Bush in the US (and I am assured, that is not a lot) will surely deminish. He is already talking about the sacrifice his troops are making and how proud we should all be of them. It sickens me.

And why is it that the parliament which has sent our British troops to war is in England, but the front line soldiers are always the Scottish regiments? I confess to knowing very little about army life, regiments and who and where they are based, but I did hear two names which made me sit up and listen. Unfortunately I missed the whole radio report and would welcome any comments on this - on the radio this morning I heard a snippet of which regiments were in the front line in the desert and I am praying for the regiments of Royal Scots who are out there and the regiments of the Black Watch. I cannot be sure they are all directly from Scotland because I don't know enough about it but at the back of my mind I suspect they are. After all according to Westminster, we Scots are expendable aren't we?

Wednesday, March 19
 
As I go to sleep for the night, it is a sad thought that by the time I wake up in the morning, war with Iraq will have started. I dread the news the morning will bring but pray for the safety of the innocent.

 

After a grey misty start to the morning, the sun appeared mid afternoon and filled me with a warm content feeling. Wanting to capture this uncommonly good feeling and make the most of the evening sunshine, I left work promptly at 5pm, only to realise when I got to the car that I had a rather large nail in a tyre. Metaphorically, kissing goodbye to my relaxing evening, I drove (carefully) to the shop where cars get things fixed - not before kicking said tyre and swearing profusely.

With a history of punctures since the building work on our house started, I am adept in asking them to "tube " my tyre. So, feeling confident with the terminology and thereby making myself out to be a competent car-owner, rather than the complete 'car-mechanic-o-phobe' that I really am, I asked the nice young man if he could please "tube" my tyre.

With experience of car problems comes a familiarity with the waiting room of the car shop. A quick blast of heat as soon as you enter the area lulls you into a false sense of security or warmth, quickly followed by the realisation that this is indeed a rather cold, drab little room with glittery grey linoleum and an even duller grey on the walls and oppressively low ceiling. The red paintwork attempts to brighten it all up, in an obvious sort of way.

 

A few minutes later the same nice young man returned to let me know he couldn't tube the tyre because the very large screw he was holding had punctured it at the side, ripping it and rendering it unsafe for tubing. Rats! New tyre required. Expensive.

Another few minutes in the waiting room and then the bill. Gulp! How much? My car shop confidence already floundering, took a sudden plummet into the realms of total embarrassment when asked for the car's registration. Now, I can remember every registration of every car my Dad owned. I remember our first three or four cars - at a push. I can remember hundreds of telephone numbers, some strings of eleven digits long. So why, when my car is sitting less than ten feet away from him, do I have to remember my own registration? Ask me my name, my address, what year it is and yes, even who the current prime minister is, but do not ask me that! I even know my own mobile number so it can't be total dementia.The all-knowing smirk on the man behind the counter's face said it all. He walked out of the reception and went to look at my car. "I can remember the last three letters" I called after him sheepishly. But he was giving me that kind of "yes madam" nod. I stood there feeling guilty, thinking; how stupid am I? Perhaps he thinks I stole it? Why would I steal one with biscuit crumbs, empty crisp packets, water bottles and general detritus all over the back seat? No, he couldn't possibly think I stole it.

After he punched the registration into the screen on his till (which he didn't repeat to me so I was still puzzling over it) he raised his eyes - not his head - and I feared the next question. Perhaps he was going to ask me the speed of sound? Who won the last Grand Prix? How do you change the oil on a ten tonne truck? But no, it was worse than that.

"What's the mileage?" Sigh........"about 200 miles more than the last time I had a puncture". In fact, I thought, it's probably in your wonderful database. Probably all my details are in that wonderful database - including the registration!

Signing the receipt for the extortionate amount, I started to look nervously behind me. Frantically trying to work out the logistics of reversing out of the garage safely. Was there really enough room for me to reverse without hitting that car behind me? And what about the other one which had arrived at the side of me and parked so close that it had made my escape much more difficult? I had visions of a 50 point turn, whilst the hoards of testosterone oozing youths laughed at this sad old woman driver who didn't even know her own registration!

Mercifully, I made it without hitting anything. No racks of tyres littering the forecourt. No ambulance required for the
old man standing behind his too closely parked car, glaring at me - because, of course, by now he probably knew I was the woman who didn't know her own registration or mileage. As I drove out of the garage, I swear I saw them laughing at me in my rear-view mirror. However, there I was, ordeal over. The puncture had been fitted quickly but I still maintain you can't get quicker than a .......woman fleeing a garage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 



Tuesday, March 18
 
This morning, I received an email from a long-standing and dear friend and her family in Seattle. She was writing to all her friends around the world and I wanted to post what she said because it touched me deeply

"This evening, President Bush, declared that the United States would
start attacking Iraq within 48 hours.

We have participated in peace rallies in Moscow, Idaho and here in
Seattle. In Seattle, their are many, many people who oppose this war.
We believe that all lives are sacred, regardless of the country or
race. People in other parts of the world are just as important and
valuable as people in the United States. We belive in peace in Iraq
and peace in the world - NOW and in the future.

We are very sad about the steps our country is taking. We are still
hoping for a last minute miracle, although it appears that time is
running out.

We appreciate all of the peace rallies and marches that have taken
place world-wide. Our hope was that our government would find a
peaceful solution to this situation.

We just want you to know that we do not support this war in any way.
We hope for peace very soon.

Please understand the universal law that what you focus on expands.
Therefore thoughts of anger and hate only increase this and other
conflicts. Join us in thoughts of peace, love and resolution for all
participants, even those we may disagree vehemently with. Love is not
just the answer, Love is the way.

Who can argue with that? To know that Bush has decleared he will take his country to war, regardless of world opinion is more frightening than knowing what other war criminals in our time have done. Tony Blair will follow him and thousands of people will die. Nothing short of a miracle will stop the wheels of fate moving now that they are so slowly underway. But let George and Tony know that whatever they are about to do, "love is not just the answer, love is the way". Thank you C, R & V.




Monday, March 17
 
Exhausted after a busy weekend, Sunday evening should be a time to chill our and relax. But no, I decided to watch Cold Feet and although I knew there was never going to be a happy conclusion to the last of the present series, I wasn’t totally prepared for the emotional onslaught which awaited. (Nor was I expecting blogger to lose the posting I wrote immediately after it finished.)

Killing off Rachael seemed a cruel twist of the writer’s mind. From the black comedy of spilling her ashes in the pub – my family laughed. I didn’t - to the total break down of Adam when he eventually and inevitably realised the full extent of his loss and grief. Anyone who has an ounce of empathic hindsight or even macabre foresight, would not fail to have been moved. Normally I would expect to be sitting there secretively wiping tears from my face with a tissue but more unexpectedly for some reason, I was faced with trying to control the body shuddering sobs which were erupting from somewhere deep within and trying to surface in huge noisy uncontrolable, gulps. (Stifling them was hard but I think I got away with it!). For some the ending may have been happy. Jo went back to Oz , older and perhaps a little wiser. Pete and Jenny decided to give things another go. Karen and Ramona were plotting their Spanish holiday, Thelma and Louise style. David decided who he really wanted to have dinner with therefore sealing the fate on a new phase in his life. And Adam and baby decided to go back to Ireland and make a new start for themselves with Adam’s father.

It struck me as the ghost of Rachael jumped into the taxi with Adam that we can take the ghosts of our past with us. Even though we all move on, whether for better, worse, intentionally, accidentally or subconsciously, somethings, people and places will always remain with us. It’s how we all learn to cope with the most traumatic events in our lives. I would imagine that once Adam had come to terms with Rachael’s death (whatever coming to terms actually means?) then her ghost appearances in his life would start to diminish, as he realised his future was not so dependant on her being there. Or would they?


Sunday, March 16
 
Saturday, 15th March

There is a phrase which keeps echoing in my head today. It is, "Lest We Forget". The Avalon Project at Yale Law School have a website containing the documents produced at the Nuremberg trials. Sobering reading and perhaps something our so called 'great powers' should glance over before tomorrow's meeting in the Azores.

If there is not a 2nd UN resolution, will Bush and Blair not be acting unlawfully if they signal the go-ahead for war against Iraq? Making them as guilty of war crimes as those we are taught in history are evil? Spain say, it is not necessary, there can be a war without a 2nd resolution. But for Blair, war without it would not just be politically damaging, it would be political suicide. Tonight, Jack Straw says war is "probable but not inevitable" but with 42,000 British troops already mobilised (and 225,000 US troops) do we believe they will call off the action they are so greedy for and send all these troops home again? Can you imagine what it must feel like for these poor young men and women to be out there not knowing whether they are about to go to war or not?

To the Warmongers
I’m back again from hell
With loathsome thoughts to sell;
Secrets of death to tell;
And horrors from the abyss.
Young faces bleared with blood,
Sucked down into the mud,
You shall hear things like this,
Till the tormented slain
Crawl round and once again,
With limbs that twist awry
Moan out their brutish pain,
As the fighters pass them by.
For you our battles shine
With triumph half-divine;
And the glory of the dead
Kindles in each proud eye.
But a curse is on my head,
That shall not be unsaid,
And the wounds in my heart are red,
For I have watched them die.

Siegfried Sassoon

The uncertainty of war, waiting and listening for "The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells"

Neither do I think the stalling techniques of the French, who want to discuss a "realistice timetable" for Iraq to disarm, will make any difference to the unfolding of events over the next week. It is a sad world we live in.

At the beginning of this year I had the horrible feeling that something bad was going to happen this year. Selfishy I thought it was going to happen to me. Now I realise that my feelings were not for myslef but for mankind and for the thousands of people who will, inevitably loose their lives when the missiles begin to fall. Something bad is going to happen. Something bad is already happening and it seems that we have learned nothing...

Lest we forget? It seems as if we already have.



Wednesday, March 12
 
If I was a mind-reader I would have known that today was going to be a bad day.
If I was a mind-reader I would have taken work home with me last night so that I didn't have to dash into work before 8am this morning to upload files to my web space so that I could download them again and work at home.
If I was a mind-reader I would not have made the hair appointment I had hoped to dash to in my lunch hour.
If I was a mind-reader I would have predicted that both children would now be ill and given them lots of vitamins, tlc, good food and whatever else it takes to keep them well.
If I was a mind-reader I would have known all about it and not been so frustrated, disappointed, harrassed but generally resigned this morning.
.....but I'm not. So I am. And in between the runninng around preparing food, drinks, hugs, soothing words and entertainment I am actually managing to work and get a lot done. If I was a mind-reader I'd predict that working from home was the way to go.

Tuesday, March 11
 
Have a great day. Really believe you can do it all and you will ..........either that or you won't. Don't tell anyone and who will know apart from you? Why set yourself new challenges if you already have hundreds of unfulfilled ones? My theory is that for each new one, another old one bites the dust and will be forgotten about in a few months - apart from the niggling guilt that is. Is yesterday's new challenge not tomorrow's unfulfilled task waitng to happen? There is another spin on the enthusiasm of the daily motivator, as read on the oh so apt Garfield poster on SED's door. "I could but I don't want to..."

Sunday, March 9
 
There is nothing worse than trying old-fashioned methods of mindless escapism - reading, tv - and finding that they are as upsetting as real life. The book I have just finished was upsetting in it's ending and one of my favourite tv programmes, Cold Feet, has just finished with a tradgedy which had me shaken and sniveling into a tissue. More happy endings please.

 
What's your favourite flavour? Are you confident enough to choose just one? Then why not enter the Jelly Belly competition to win a hamper worth over £150. And you must do the survey to get some free jelly belly, jelly beans. 100 free samples are given away each day, 365 days a year - unfortunately the only one per household rule applies, but mine are on their way! I'll let you know if I win a hamper.

 
Yesterday's Scotland v Wales match at Murrayfield was a successful outcome for the Scots, even if the last two tries they allowed Wales to score were a bit surprising, if not down right lax. I promised some that I would put up a few pictures, so not wanting to disappoint, here is a little glimps of yesterday's match and the Irish match - two weeks ago - at Murrayfield.

Friday, March 7
 
How can it be Friday?..........Where has the week gone? Tempus Fugit? There is definitely something very strange going on...


Tuesday, March 4
 
Thanks to miak for this Error 404

 
Today is Shrove Tuesday, so if you are stuck for a few ideas on what to make for dinner this evening try here. "It's a day of penitence — to clean the soul before Lent — and a day of celebration as the last chance to feast before Lent begins." What will you give up? I love Chekhov, so was happy to find a suitable online excerpt from Shrove Tuesday. But for many, the food is the main motivator of the day, so here are a few more recipies and some goodies to feast your eyes on.