Today's class started off on a good note - Tutor's birthday and one classmate had brought in a birthday cake and juice. Poor guy didn't quite know how to cope with all these old women singing happy birthday to him. I think he thought it was all quite surreal but it amused him all the same. At least he seemed in a good mood. He admitted he'd been a bit hard on me last week but I didn't let him grovel too much and explained it was much appreciated. Who else is going to tell me the truth about my work? We had a long chat and he really liked the beginnings of my new sketch book. It's so nice to be in an atmosphere where everyone is enthused about the same things and can chat away while we work. Even if the room is quiet the sense of creativity can be felt throughout the room. I love it. Was also quite prolific today which is also helpful. The pressure is on for quantity.
posted by Red Writer
Wednesday, January 28
Purple Haze set to make history ......no not the Hendrix version but the cafe in Leith....very handy for the Scottish Exec.
The latest on the Hutton enquiry. But why are they not more worried about who leaked it. The Sun's defence is that they were doing what any other paper would have done and their journalist was only doing his job..........that would be a first then.
posted by Red Writer
Scottish Opera's production of the Magic Flute was very good, especially the lead parts of Pamina (who's voice was angelic) and Tamino. The setting was impressive but although I understood what "Jonathan Moore’s wittily futuristic production" was getting at, I still had a hankering for a more traditional setting.
It was very close. And before the English MP's start moaning that Scottish MP's were voting on what won't affect them. Think back to the introduction of the poll tax in Scotland. I seem to recall a large vote from English MP's on that one!
I just spoke to an English person on the phone. I didn't think people actually said "lovely jubbly". I'm sure she couldn't have said that. Please tell me I didn't hear her say that! No. I couldn't have. Must have been a crackle on the line caused by the SNOW. Yes, it's hear............... It's snowing......trees are turning white as I type!
posted by Red Writer
Sunday, January 25
Another busy week over. A mid-week parent's evening left me feeling so proud of SYD. All the teachers we spoke to enthused about her and as it's the year she has to pick her standard grade subjects, they were all desparate for her to pick their's. Gloating apart, how do you give advice to someone who shows talent in all areas of the curriculum? I just hope she chooses the subjects she enjoys and takes an even spread to give her a fulfilling and challenging next few years.
For my own appraisal, I took a sample of artwork to my tutor for suggestions on what to include in the portfolio. I prepared myself for disappointment but even though he only picked out about 10/60 pieces, I found myself upbeat by the fact that at least someone had the courage to let me know what would be acceptable and what wouldn't. It was a good feeling to feel there was a direction in which to move. It led to an interesing and controversial discussion during the morning class about whether they were really looking for technical talent or inspirational/creative talent. I have a lot of work to do before March. Not being one to procrastinate (!!joke) I started yesterday morning, snapping photos around town in the freezing cold morning and speed compiling a sketch book of ideas. I am truly inspired. (In a Jean Brodie, hand on heart sort of way).
Every Sunday morning this year, SO and I have been for a walk. Some have been ok and it's mainly for the excercise but this morning was just about perfect. Perhaps it's the inspiration from the creative burst I seem to be in the middle of but some days everything just seems to be right. I see paintings in every thing I look at. Every colour is magnified, every angle or curve etches itself in my memory. My head is bursting with colour, textures and ideas. We found a spot which we've always know was there and have walked there before but this time we took a different path and wandered for miles. Saw, long-tailed tits, woodpecker, tree-creeper, kestrel, heron, millions of crows, the usual pigeons, blue-tits and even what I think was a cormorant sitting in the middle of the river. There was shape and form in a beautiful Robert Adam bridge, texture in old sandstone and the form and patterns in the wood and bark of old oaks dead and standing was truly inspirational. I have never seen such a wonderful oak wood. Snow drops littered the damp undergrowth and pony trekers were skirting around the fields in the distance. This was all set off by beautiful blue skies and low winter sun. I didn't have my sketch book with me but as I juggled with digicam and binoculars every sight imprinted itself in my mind.
This led me to a huge dilema about the direction I need to go in. Three days a week I am able to devote time to my creativity and nurture all the inspiration I can find before it evaporates again on Monday morning, when the alternative side of my brain is forced into action. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this fragmented way of living. Juggling has always been hard but no more difficult than it is at present. I am saddened that by Monday night, the creative energy I feel right now will be a distant memory of a weekend past. My brain will be forced to push the creative urges aside to focus on paper-work, emails, meetings, deadlines, statistics, management reports to name a few. At the moment they are nasty concepts in a day which is filled with images, lights and darks, colour, beauty and composition. Even the children are working on art projects. It is a happy house today.
Tonight we will celebrate Burn's night. A modest, select group. Recitals of poetry, haggis, neeps and tatties will be washed down with birthday cake (not traditional I know!) and a selection of malts. Well, I have to raise a glass not only to Rabbie but to the end of the best part of my week.
posted by Red Writer
Wednesday, January 21
Saw David Mamet's A life In The Theatre at the Lyceum last night. It was very good and just what I needed to remind me that "a job is a job and a life should be so much more.." But this play wasn't just about the difficulties in communicating experience between generations. I thought it depicted wonderfully the delicacy of being forced to share the same space with people for a long time and how that sometimes results in the derioration of communication and friendship. This was a play which was sad, funny, awkward and bitter-sweet. Jimmy Chisholm was excellent but I was a little disappointed with Joe McFadden.
posted by Red Writer
Tuesday, January 20
The doctor patient relationship is often complicated. This was brought to my attention yesterday after a visit to my GP. About six months ago my old GP retired. This was someone I have known for over twenty years and who has watched and looked after me intermittently all my adult life: through the college years, the working years, the family years. All in all this was someone I got to know quite well and who I'd occassionally bump into at the theatre, cinema etc. She was nice and during my visits to moan and grumble to her I felt she listened and really did care what I was saying. She always had sound advice and treatment to offer. I respected her. Isn't it strange then that this type of relationship can end so abrubtly. A letter from the practice saying she was retiring and it gave the name of the GP who would take over her case load. I did see her about six months ago and she even apologised for going early and explained that general reorganisations within the health service had been a contributing factor in her decision. We wished each other well and when I walked out the door, I did feel a slight sense of sadness.
Yesterday I took my sore knee to the new GP. I have met her once before. She seemed nice enough. Quiet. I am not quite sure what I expected but I think it was more than I got. OK, perhaps it was stupid of me to expect some answers and some advice and you can all reprimand me for taking up valuable surgery time when there are so many people in real need of treatment and advice but this is something which has been sore for over a month now and which is interferring with my life to a lesser extent. I thought getting it checked out would not be a bad idea. The advice I got was to rest it a bit and excercise it a bit. Conflicting or what? She could refer me for physio but when I looked expectantly for her to finish the sentence she explained that waiting lists were extremely long and implied that she wasn't going to do that. Perhaps I should have been more assertive and insisted she did that. I asked what the best thing to do would be and got no definite answer. In short, I think she didn't know. She didn't give me the reassurance I had hoped for that it would go away. I wanted to tell her I had made a resolution to climb Ben Nevis this year and how on earth could I do that if I don't know how to fix the knee, but it seemed so petty when I was sitting there. In short, I felt I was wasting her time. It was not a nice feeling. I don't want to waste time of busy GP's. But I had hoped that she could tell me whether to rest it or to excercise it - not to tell me to do both! So I'll leave it for another few weeks and then perhaps I'll find a sports physio who might be an expert in these things.
On a cheerier note. Watched Coupling last night and although I have seen this before, I'd forgotten how funny it was. I am a few series behind I think and will have to try to find some DVD's to catch up. However despite my amusement at last night's episode (the one about Mr Melty) , I imagine it may have had a detrimental effect on all men watching....
posted by Red Writer
Thursday, January 15
The Alan Clark diaries are being televised - tonight BBC 4 22:00 - might be worth a look.
I love the quote from Sir Bernard Ingham "I think he was probably the most incontinent minister I have ever come across in terms of security. He was absolutely incapable of retaining any information longer than the time it took to bump into a journalist."
I never did get around to reading Cold Mountain but the film is absolutely wonderful. The futility of war was the main thought which kept going through my mind as I watched it although at times I really couldn't bear to watch because the feelings it evoked were so strong. As a love story it shows so well how love can grow from the slightest of contact. I am told it sticks fairly faithfully to the book by Charles Frazier. Jude Law, Nicole Kidman and Renee Zellweger were great. I tried to compare it to Lost in Translation but I couldn't - they are so completely different, although the actor who plays Charlotte's husband in LiT also had a small part in CM.
posted by Red Writer
Tuesday, January 13
Does anyone know how to blog from phone to blogger using wap? I lost the url a while ago and haven't been able to find it again. Any help would be useful.
posted by Red Writer
Went to see Lost in Translation last night. It was a lovely film and I think Bill Murray deserves an award for it. This is a beautifully gentle film. If you prefer high action, high drama films then don't go to see it. The contrast of the bright lights and fast moving image of Tokyo and the gentleness, slowness and boredom of the two main characters is depicted well. There are so many meanings of the title, "lost in translation", which can be applied to different aspects of the film. It's not just the language it applies to and I spent a long time pondering it during the night. The friendship between Scarlett Johansson's character, Charlotte and Bob (Bill Murray) is gentle and seems credible despite the obvious age difference (another lost in translation analogy). I felt the film highlighted well the fragility of relationships and how we are all a bit lost. Without getting into a long crit, all in all it was a lovely film.
posted by Red Writer
The morning duties of waking and organising people to ensure we are all up and out of the house on time is always fraught. This morning was no exception. Except that it was more interesting. SYD appeared, bleary eyed and grumpy looking and when asked if she had a good night's sleep, replied that she hadn't. She had felt as if all her joints were stretching and growing. I told her they probably were and to prove it we measured her (against the door with all the heights - except the old door with the little heights is still in the garage waiting for me to transfer them all onto a piece of paper or something equivalent). You know these nature documentaries which show the speeded up growth of a plant so that you see them growing before your eyes? That's almost what happened. In just two weeks, SYD has grown 2cm - I know you are taller in the morning and that possibly accounts for about 0.5cm and I always thought it was boys who had faster growth spurts but I find it absolutely fascinating that this little person who was only about 56cm when she was born is now only 13 years later almost 160cm. I know that isn't so tall in today's terms but then again neither am I. I must remember to keep feeding and watering her. Isn't the human body remarkable.
posted by Red Writer
Monday, January 12
Yes I've changed the office around. Yes everyone has known about the need for it for about two years. Yes it must all be my fault that no-one likes it. Yes you should all blame me. No question about it. My fault. All my fault.
Do you detect a slight aggrivation? Do you detect I am less than happy at my work? Ho hum... how many other people can I upset or annoy today?
Am I any less depressed? Do I need this? Support?????????? What is that?
posted by Red Writer
Sunday, January 11
Last night I curled my hair for a party. The party was good. The curls were good. I like the curls. Reminds me of when I used to have a long perm. I didn't wash it out today, I left it. Now it looks "rested" and cool and shaggy. I like the messy shaggy look. Makes me feel less straight and seems more in keeping with my artistic temperament. I may go curly again.
posted by Red Writer
Someone at the Sunday Herald must have been reading my blog because Peter Ross and Edd McCracken have come to my rescue with their helpful articles on Happy Talkand The best things in life are free (boom boom boom boom, but you can give them to the birds and bees....sorry I can't say that phrase without hearing the remix of the beetles song by the Fyling Lizards).
Apparently, recent research has found our happy zone - "just above and in front of your left ear" - which figures.....this being the area on my head/face/jaw which has been so bloody painful for the last few weeks. So that's ok, then.. now I know how to be happy, I just have to get rid of this sore jaw first and that will be it :-) And yes I have been to the dentist, clean bill of health there, xrays show no dental problems or sinus problems but apparently grinding teeth in the night can cause jaw pain (fine and very interesting but I don't grind my teeth in my sleep!).
With regards to the best things in life being free, well I've always been an advocate of that and this morning's free shot was leaning backwards into gale force winds on Aberlady beach (that great feeling where you know if the wind stops you'd fall over) watching the sand blowing across the bay like something out of Lawrence of Arabia and seeing a flock of pink footed geese above me flying frantically just to keep in the air. They didn't get anywhere for over five minutes. They just flapped and flapped, reformed their "V" shape several times but made absolutely no progress at all. It was incredible to watch. The wind was so strong they couldn't even get to the safety of the estury. Eventually there was a lull for a few minutes and as I looked away and looked back again they had disappeared, so I presume they landed safely. Also saw redshank, curlew, fieldfare, sanderling and the usual assortment of eiders and gulls.
The other thing which cheered me up today was finding Arthur Grosset's website because that's where most of these links came from. It's nice to find a bird site based on an area I know, because as a novice birdwatcher, it helps to confirm my identification of the birds. So thank you Arthur.
posted by Red Writer
Saturday, January 10
January is never a good month for me. Too many ghosts and shaddows. Try as I might, I haven't been able to shake the underlying depression which sneeks up on me like an incoming tide at this time of year. I'm fighting most days, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It is small consolation to know many others' feel the same. But I do sympathise with them all.
Last January was awful and I have been telling myself I will never get so low again but it is a stuggle. With the dark moods comes the inevitible lack of confidence in everything I do or think and at the moment it is an effort to act out the days retaining any sense of normality. But life goes on, people need to be cared for, fed, supported, instructed. I just don't think I'm the right person to be doing all that right now. Decision making is hopeless and my concentration on most things evaporates after a very short space of time.
Last week I was on a one-day training course and by three o'clock I had sunk into a self-defeating state telling myself that I was incapable of learning anything new. Age and lack of concentration seem to be hard enough to beat without feeling totally stupid at the same time.
Today the sun shone through my window for most of the morning and I lay soaking up the rays, praying it would make a difference. Perhaps it did. I got through another day and I know I should be grateful for that.
Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time won the adult category of the Whitbread prize 2004
posted by Red Writer
Tuesday, January 6
Happy New Year to you all. Hope all your festivities were fun. I had a great time but the return to work has dampened my enthusiasm for .........well, for just about everything. Only two main new year's resolutions: to climb Ben Nevis sometime this year - probably somewhere between Easter and early Autumn. However, that will all depend on whether the knee gets any better! And to get my portfolio finished so I can apply for a part-time art degree. I had so much to write about but it all seems so unimportant now. Oh well, keep watching this space....
